BTS Suga revealed the weight of the crown, “I don’t know why I work”
Suga, a member of BTS, reveals his struggles under the pressure of success and the weight of being a superstar.
On April 21st, the documentary “SUGA: Road to D-DAY” was released on Disney Plus, showcasing the making of BTS Suga’s new album. On the same day, Suga released the new album “D-DAY” under the stage name “Agust D”.
Here, Suga said, “When I first started the mixtape, I knew I definitely had to end it in two parts. With ‘D-1’, I expressed the extreme anxiety I felt. If I couldn’t express it, it would have been music that had no justification for me to live as BTS. In ‘D-2’, I talked about the past and present as I sorted things out. With this album, I wanted to include a message that covers all of that.”
Regarding the pressure he felt, Suga said, “It’s under my name, not as Suga but as ‘Agust D’. Who would know? Fans would, but others wouldn’t. I’m confused about how much people can understand. The burden is enormous”.
“I worked on it thinking it might be the last album to be released under the name Agust D”, Suga also admitted.
While working on a song that samples Kim Kwang Seok’s “Around Thirty”, Suga mentioned that he was 30 when BTS were discussing disbandment.
“I thought, ‘I should make my own album.’ Those who haven’t done solo work are doing solo activities and having individual activities”, he said, adding, “Now that I think about it, isn’t it strange? We should have done it earlier. We started late. To my memory, articles about this were on the main page for about two weeks. I didn’t want to admit that the vague talk went out with a negative nuance. That’s what people think.”
The documentary also showed Suga going to a Korean restaurant in the US and having dinner. At this, the male idol showed surprise, mentioning that it has been almost a year and a half since he last ate 3 meals a day.
Suga then expressed his feelings, saying, “I feel like I became an adult faster than others. I didn’t want to be an adult. I wanted to live with dreams, and the moment I stopped dreaming, I became an adult. But now I don’t have dreams. I wonder what dream I should have.”
He also revealed the weight of the crown he bore as a BTS member, saying, “We did what we wanted to do and what we had to do, but in 2018, people were talking about it. They told me that I had a mission in this era. I never thought about it. I’ve never thought, ‘As an Asian, I have to represent us and go to the US to reach No. 1 on the Billboard chart.'”
Finally, Suga was shown struggling in his workspace, scratching his head. “I really wonder why I’m doing this. I recently met PD Bang Si Hyuk and he said, ‘Hey, if you’re still anxious even after being so successful, what are you working for?”, he confessed, adding, “I don’t know why I work, and I don’t know why I’m so obsessive.”
“Acceptance. It takes tremendous courage to let go. I don’t have the courage yet. How did I come this far? How did I come this far?” the BTS member also cried out.
After a difficult work process, Suga went to Pyeongchang, Gangwon-do, to soothe his mind. At the time, Suga said, “My work wasn’t coming out well, so I just came to refresh myself. Writing songs and working on them became too boring and painful,” and managed to regain his composure through taking a break.